“Oh, just one more thing. Was the chicken that good? Was it worth it?!”

– Columbo, in my fever dream

This is a follow-up to Getting Grilled by Dr. Claude About My COVID. Once the Paxlovid was on its way, I had one more question for Claude: where did I catch it?

Claude worked backward from the fever night my Oura ring found. COVID usually shows up about three days after exposure, so it rebuilt my last ten days from my location history, card transactions, calendar, texts, email receipts, and voice memos. Then it scored every place I’d been by how long I was there, how crowded it was, and how well the timing fit.

The top suspect, at 28%, was a two-hour dinner with my dad at Le Pichet, a packed little bistro near Pike Place, sitting next to an obnoxious guy I’d already blamed in a text to my dad that morning. Three days at the office came in second at 25%, and a family camp weekend was third at 20%. Courtney and Abigail were at the camp too, and both have tested negative twice, last night and this morning, which counts against it.

The write-up came back as a case file. Not quite as entertaining as a CBS procedural drama, but same vibe. I blacked out the private bits.

The case file, titled "The Case of the Obnoxious Diner," with the investigator's finding and a lineup of suspects ranked by probability: Le Pichet 28%, office days 25%, family camp 20%, and smaller odds for everything else.

The case file, with a few details redacted.

I asked Claude to add a map with red string, too.

An evidence board on corkboard: a regional map from Stanwood to Bellevue and a downtown Seattle close-up, with red pins on each suspect location and red string running to an index card for the subject.

The evidence board. Home and school are left off.

The case is still open. My dad has no symptoms so far, and if he gets sick, Le Pichet jumps above 70%.

– John